did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
where are my eyebrows?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize