she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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