He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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