There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
