when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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