I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
