xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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