i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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