You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
