i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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