My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
