so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
