oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
