I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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