I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
