How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
