I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
