the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
