So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
