Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
