On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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