$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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