I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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