There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
