whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
