don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
