Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
