I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
