I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he thought i was a dude.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
