i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
