im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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