I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
