i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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