I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
