I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
