I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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