I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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