I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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