I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
