my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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