he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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