Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
