the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
