my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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