I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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