my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize