When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize