somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
