He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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