OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
