Don't you send me to vm
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
