please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
