We need to start having sex underwater more often.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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