just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
