Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
