The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
