at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
