Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
