I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
