you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
