everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
