Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
