Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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