I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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