so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
