you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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