While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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