It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize