If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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