Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
