It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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