I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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