brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
