1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
