girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
