I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
