the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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