Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
