matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
