fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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