What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize