Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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