I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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