My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
