Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
